Birthday whining!

This post is all about birthday whine glasses. Whine glasses are glasses the primary purpose of which is to drink wine from them, while being whined at, from the glass itself, by me. Ok not really but that’s the closest I can get to explain why I entitled the article Birthday whining. I just did, and now there’s trouble! Gah!

Anyways, our household seems to have a reputation for broken wine glasses and a very angry Helle in consequence, so I have decided to make personalised glasses for everyone in order to a/ have more wine glasses and b/ finally determine who is doing all the breaking and then redirect Helle’s wrath (and whines – oh yeah… lightbulb!) in their general direction. This obviously won’t work if Helle keeps drinking her horrible green algae stuff from glasses that are not her own.

To be fair, poor Helle doesn’t have a glass of her own yet, as her birthday is not until June.

Here are the glasses of the few lucky ones who’s birthdays happened to happen since I had the idea:

Claire, 22nd December…

Her name is Clairette de Die (It’s a name of a wine and Claire’s nickname.)
smelly cheeses are her cloud nine (She’s French and likes cheese.)
She’s the No.1 of kidings, (Oh, kidings are a story on its own, but basically its franglish)
er aksent goes well wiz zis wine. (Again, she’s French.)

Ok, this one was a bit hurried as I had to make it before the big trip to South Africa and leave it hidden for Claire.

Benji, 27th December:

In his secret basement lab
his female robots get covered in smooches
and bake him cookies with their massive hands. (This is all Benji… chicks, robots, cookies… the android robots do have big hands, which is very scary.)
Benji likes kittehs a lot more than pooches. (This is just a fact.)

More to come with everyone’s birthdays… possibly featuring blue moustaches, board games, meercowls and inner city foxes!

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The big secret has been revealed…

As I said in one of my previous posts, Presenting…, there was a thing I really wanted to write about but couldn’t, lest I spoiled a surprise.

The clues you were given (and their meanings) are:

– 12… the year 2012, a couple of years back I had decided to boycott Christmas (from now only c-word) and I do New Years presents instead so I don’t spoil the festive season for my flatmates
– coffee… refers to mugs, the presents were mugs, this was inspired by the move to the new flat, and the need for mugs (the need was resolved when we finished the move and now we are flooded with mugs)
– McGonagall… poems, the mugs are all decorated with illustrated poems referring to the shenanigans, strange obsessions and perversions of their owners
– baked goods… the mugs with their poems and pictures have been baked in the oven and are now also dishwasher friendly, or so they say!

Here are the pictures of them (with poems transcribed and explained) which I took using my brand new iPhone app Photosynth, they are not great but they are a strange sort of panorama, if you ask me. Maybe I’ll take better ones later.

“Oh Dave!” (A very common sigh when it comes to Dave, we were even considering rewording the famous Beatles song Hey Jude to Oh Dave, it worked fantastically) the most splendid of nights (Refers at the same time to Dave’s ICON role playing costume and his ability to misspell just about anything)
we all sigh often, in frustration.
Maybe video gaming (Recent episode of Dave’s hermitting period with his Star Wars game) and tights (Again, ICON and Dave’s “tunic” that didn’t quite cover his butt)
lead to premature dave-ulation. (Term adopted into our vocabulary after several incidents of  Dave counting his chickens before they’d hatched,… or didn’t hatch.)

Hide your socks, (Refers ro Claire’s and Philipp’s sock-stealing shenanigans) onions and fondue pot (onions and cheese, the deadly gas combination for Claire)
till zombies attack! (Coz shit happens…)
For  Claire, whether you need it or not,
uses biological weapons. (Again the gas, I couldn’t help but drawing a dart next to the gun in reference to Despicable Me’s dartgun/fartgun confusion, also we do call Claire dartgun!)

A ginger girl with a broken tail??? (Helle suffers from being ginger, also she recently broke her tailbone and had to walk around with a bum bagel!)
Sounds like a cruel joke yet it’s true! (It is!!!)
Helle likes her veg with a bit of snail. (She is vegetarian but curiously enough occasionally eats snails.)
An eye for an eye, a shoe for a shoe. (There’s an old deal that she has to throw out one of her gigillion pairs of shoes if she wants to get a new one.)

My personal favourite:
Felipe! Don’t give up on meat (Refers to Philipp’s vegetarian spells, the last one of which lasted a few months!)
for hummus,  broccoli and mango. (The famous hummus and broccoli incident where Philipp food poisoned himself)
For sausage is the truest treat
for a man who likes to fango. (Refers to a dubious sexual practice of Philipp and Benji’s called fango, its indescribable, undrawable, most likely involves a sausage or two, has many stages and involves Philipp bending over and Benji standing behind him.)

 

He stalks around in a wookie suit (Referring to Benji’s jewy hairiness)
and hot air comes out of his pores, (…and how he’s always warm, emitting heat)
for the big lump of hair on his head (The jewfro, duh!)
Benji sometimes walks into doors. (The Slovakian door incident, when Benji jumped into a revolving glass door and almost broke his schnoz.)

Whiski’s one, and possibly better photos, to come in the next few days so keep checking!!!

Hello Wieners!

Where do I start?

So much stuff has happened in the last few days, so I will just sum it up quickly, to stop me from writing tons of stuff: I found and repossessed a shopping trolley, we got the keys to our new amazing flat on Marchmont Road and moved most of our stuff, Adam left, I made an important decision, Helle broke her tail (bone) and now Hellipp can’t bang bang bangity bang for 6 weeks, I went to a hockey party on Friday, we threw an amazing party that lacked nothing but black light, and only just on Saturday, I caught up with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while, David projectile – threw – up on his Teddy ClaireBear, I changed batteries in a CO alarm in the flat that kept going off throughout the night, we cleaned the crap out of our old flat twice in 24 hours, I discovered I might be diseased with a tick bite, I started considering calling up the Revenue Office and registering for self-emloyment, I finally went and registered with a GP round the corner, I peed on my hand, my story didn’t win the competition so I have to resubmit and I finally got a reply from a possible distant relative in the US…

Also, it’s Hallowe’en today!!! Happy Hallowe’en everyone!